I get this question a lot…”Is your daughter higher functioning?” How do you answer that. Today, she was higher functioning because she only asked me for pretzels 60 times rather than 50. However, yesterday she had a meltdown at 3 a.m. when I refused to give her salami. So, I guess that would be a lower functioning day. To this autism mom, she is what she is. She is verbal to a fault, and can use words correctly in most situations. Does she always know what she is saying…I don’t think so. Then other times- oh yes she does.
A few years ago, I took her to a clinic at Yale University. What the Social Worker said to me has stuck with me. He said…”this child looks to you for all the information in her world. Including how she should react to situations, what is wrong and what is right, and what her answers should be.” To put it lightly, all I could think was…OH MY GOD. Really? I guess I knew that, but that’s a lot of pressure. With “average” kids they look to you, but find their way for some things. This child would probably never do that. So, in our autism world let’s break this down. When I’m mad- she’s mad. When I’m sad- she cries real tears. If I’m hurt- she is quiet and afraid. She gets all her cues from me.
Yesterday, I had a 3 hour art class, and I painted and got the house ready for Halloween. I put together treat bags for school, and got everyone up and out to school. After class at 3, I raced home got everyone to help get the pumpkins carved and got everyone ready for trick or treating. Phoebe was a little undone. Then I got mad at her. She was so uptight, and unsure – and our routine was not the same. She was so anxious about the trick or treating. She made it to about 15 houses, and then wanted to go home. When I dropped her off with her Nana..all I could think was how much I’d like to be home. I wonder how much of my tiredness was wearing off on her? Halloween was exhausting, and fun…all at the same time. Look out Christmas…here we come. I’m going to need some 5 hour energy.
Phoebe ASD World 