Last year, on New Years I nearly had a nervous breakdown…in fact, you might say I did. The whole family made a trip to Traverse City. It sounded like so much fun! I hyped it up, I planned for a sitter…I did everything I was supposed to do. Yep.. I did everything I was supposed to, and I was thinking everything would go smoothly. However, Phoebe did not do everything I thought she should do, and it did not go smoothly for her. We stayed in a condo unit, next to my parents and down from my brother and his family. This alone caused Phoebe enough anxiety for a year. She wasn’t sure which place to go to next. She was literally turning in circles, or sound asleep on the couch as a way of coping. We took the kids swimming, had a party, and all the kids had a good time…except Phoebe. She was stressed out, tired, anxious, and just a mess. My “vision” of a great New Years really had nothing to do with her “vision”. I was really only thinking of my own fun, and my own selfish wants. (yes this does happen) Phoebe had quite a few meltdowns on this weekend- and so did I.

Needless to say, after many weeks of thinking and wondering what was wrong with her meds…it became clear. She’s autistic. You can call it what you want, but she is on the spectrum. She can’t handle unstructured events with many variables, and behaviors come out in full force when this happens. No school, snowy weather, possible fireworks, and schedule changes cause these unpredictable behaviors. Whether I want it or not, I have to structure my life better to make her life better. If any of you know me…this isn’t easy. I am a “go with the flow” kind of girl. Well, at least I used to be.

This Holiday season I plan to do what we always do and get together with family. Phoebe is used to this, and finds comfort in all our families houses. Will I attempt to take her back up north? Not likely. Will I find something that she likes to do, at home, and within her comfort range? More Likely. Will she get up every hour on Christmas Eve? Yes. Will I be more tired than Santa on Christmas? It’s possible. Will my life be more peaceful, if she is comfortable? YES. So, for this holiday season I will keep autism in mind (as if I would forget), and try to keep the structure for this child, because her happiness is my happiness.