In a few short weeks I will have a teenager. A teenager with autism. Having a teenager (as I have heard) is challenging enough, but having one with autism might just be the biggest challenge ever. I am not expecting huge changes, but I am wondering what the future will bring for her. This child will have the age, body, and look of a teenager, but the mind of an 8 year old. (at best) This “teenager” will still watch Blues Clues, and love football, UNO, and getting tucked in by her mom, and brother. She will also still scream at me like no other, hit things with full force, cry like a baby when I don’t give her the food she wants, and tell people…”my mom smacks me a lot.” I have learned to roll with her differences, and laugh when others are staring at her like she is an alien.
Teenager-ness and Autism
My biggest fear, and sadness, is that this teenager doesn’t have a group of girlfriends, and it’s what she wants most in life. She isn’t texting friends and making plans for the weekend. She isn’t getting 30 phone calls a night to talk about “stuff.” She isn’t talking about boy crushes, or who’s dating who, or even what is popular or unpopular at school. She doesn’t want to shop all day and hang out with me at the mall (all trivial, but likely with teenage girls) She does have mentors at school, and they are wonderful young ladies. They do things with Phoebe at school, and go on Community Instruction outings, as well. It takes a strong, and mature girl to want to help out a child with autism. (and I love these young women for doing so)
These things mentioned are traits that I am most likely to miss out on. (Maybe that’s not such a bad thing?) I am not sad for myself, but I am terribly sad for her, as she wants what ever teenage girl wants. Friends. My job in the next few months is to facilitate this for her. I need to work hard to figure out how to get her involved in new experiences, and to find some friends. This will be hard on everyone, but crucial to her well-being (and mine).
I will continue to help her as best I can, and fight both autism and teenager-ness. I’ll wonder which is worse, and wonder if I’ll ever get through it. But, no matter how hard it is on me…it’s way worse for her.
Phoebe ASD World 