Mothers Day has brought up many thoughts this week.  My mother is the funniest, and the best mom in the world.  I realize many people say that, but those of you who know my mom know she is THE BEST. We do everything together, talk many times per day, and enjoy each others company.  It really is the greatest.  I can’t imagine how my mother got through life, when her mother died when she was in her early 40’s.  When I was little- that seemed sooooo old.  Now, as I look to 42…it seems really young.  Not sure how she dealt with that, and raised my brother and I with my dad.

All I ever wanted was to be just like my mom.  I wanted to go and graduate from Michigan State, and I did.  I wanted to date my high school sweetheart, get married and have children, and I did.  I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, and I was.  However, that’s as far as I got.  I never looked past raising children.  I wanted to be a mom, and I really never looked forward.  During my early 20’s, I worked knowing there would be an end in sight, and that kids would be my focus.  That went as planned.  The wrench came in when the kids were little, and my husband left and we subsequently divorced.  That was the first thing that was not in the plan.  My thinking changed.  My life changed.  Then came the autism diagnosis. (PDD-NOS)

Autism was also not in the plan. (And, who in their right mind would plan for that??)  When you hear about kids with disabilities, before you actually have children, you think that it’s not something you’ll ever have to worry about.  Statistics are on your side.  (so you think)  I had the same ideas for my babies when they were born –  that my parents had for me.  They will grow up, and go to college and move out.  My husband and I will travel, and do all those things that parents do when their kids leave.  Right?  However, autism was not in that plan.  As Phoebe gets older, I realize that this “hands-on” parenting thing may go on for me –  for a lot longer than most average children.  I didn’t plan for this.  Will it fit in to the plan?  Of course it will.  But, again…this is not where I thought I would be when I was 42.  When Phoebe was 12 months, she began to scoot on her butt to get around.  We called her the butt scooter.  She never crawled, and walked late.  That seemed so cute then.  I knew she would walk eventually, and that she wouldn’t “scoot” down the aisle at her wedding.   Now I look at her and think…wedding?  Not sure that’s even possible.

Phoebe has made huge strides in her life.  She has overcome a lot of obstacles, and I enjoy seeing her mature as little as it may be.  She makes me laugh.  She makes me cry.  She makes me scream.  I guess that makes me her mother.  Forever.  No matter how long that means.  Parenting her for the rest of my life has situated itself in to my plan.

Autism was not in the plan- but it’s in our lives.  Forever.

Happy Mothers Day:)