Think of every time you wanted to say something to someone, but didn’t.  Think of every time you wanted to hit someone, but didn’t.  Socially, these things are looked upon poorly.  We have learned over the course of our lives to NOT do these things.  We understand and are embarrassed (some of us), by the thought of being looked at strangely, or being criticized for being obnoxious and rude.  Now…think of what it would be like to not have that capability.  Phoebe can’t control her urges, her impulses, or her rudeness to be exact.  When she wants to hit someone, say something, do something…she just DOES it.  There isn’t that ability to look around and wonder…”who is watching me?”  And, really…she doesn’t care.  She doesn’t realize social graces.  She doesn’t care if someone stares, or someone says she’s obnoxious, or that she has no manners.  SHE DOESN’T CARE.  She tries to care…and has learned that she should care- but it’s not really there.  Is there that ability to learn these things?  I hope so.

Is some of it learned behavior? Yes.  Is some of it obnoxious and teenager like? Yes.  But, for the most part–she can’t control that part of her brain.  We are continuing to get behavior therapy to help her learn that these things are not socially acceptable.  I really want her to be able to live, and work someday without saying things like…”you’re ugly, and your dress is short”, or “you’re a horrible driver,” or my favorite, “You look fat.”  When someone is 13, but has the mental capacity of a 6-7 year old (maybe), they surely look like they should know what is right, and what is wrong.  This is not true.  Looks are deceiving, and with statistics like 1 in 88 for autism…odds are you are going to run in to one of these kids someday.  Please try and be patient when you are out and about and hear or see someone doing something odd.  They could be autistic – and they can’t help it.  THEY didn’t ask to be this way.  I can guarantee, if you stare at Phoebe…she will say, “STOP STARING AT ME YOU FREAK!”  (and those of you who know her- know I am right)

One of my favorite stories about Phoebe was when she was about 2 years old.  We were out shopping, and she was doing her normal shrieking every 2-3 minutes.  This was not a cry, or an attempt at attention- just something she had to do.  It was literally a shriek…and then she’d stop.  An older lady stopped me and said…”CAN YOU PLEASE GET HER TO STOP DOING THAT!? My hearing aid is buzzing, because of her!”  So, I kindly replied…”Lady, if I could do that…I would be a millionaire.” To which she stomped off.  🙂  (It started early with Phoebe)

I hope that Phoebe can learn and evolve to a young lady that can control these urges and impulses.  The brain is an interesting thing…and I plan to work on changing hers as much as I can.  

For now…be patient with her.  She can’t help it.