I may have talked about Phoebe’s brother before, but not like this.  Her brother was always “the baby”.  He was normal in his development, speech, milestones, etc.  He really was.  I was fortunate not to have another ASD child, as so many families do.  Brendan has always been toted around to school, therapies, doctors appointments, and various other non-pleasant activities that involved his ASD sister.    Did he enjoy it?  I doubt that.  Did he know any differently?  Nope.  He was an infant when all these “developmental delays”, “ADHD”, “speech and language disorder” appointments began. Did he realize that she wanted to touch his hair constantly, because she has sensory processing issues?  Nope…he didn’t mind.  That was just Phoebe.

Brendan is heading in to his 10th year of life.  He has seen it all, and been there for (almost) all of the ups and downs with his autistic sister.  When he was a little younger, he would cry if Phoebe had a big meltdown, and sit quietly until it was over.  He now will take over and sometimes go in to calm her down (before I can even get there).  He even will tell me to calm down, and let him handle it.  He is surprisingly good with her, and caring.  Does he want to punch her?  Yep.  Does he sometimes?  Yep.  Is that normal brother behavior?  For sure.  I even smile at the (somewhat) normal “banter” between he and she.  It’s not usually a long winded conversation, but it is comical.  We often laugh lightheartedly with her, and at her.  Autism can be really funny!

This life however,  is not easy for these siblings.  It’s not fun, and not “normal”.  (Well- it is normal for us)  Have I watched my 9-year-old bend down on the soccer field, basketball court, and playground to sit with a hurt friend or opposing teammate?  Yes.  Has he cried when he sees Phoebe struggle with normal behaviors?  Yes…and then I cry, and the rest of my family cries.  (we are like that)  This boy has a huge heart.   I hate to tell you, but siblings of special needs children are born to be compassionate, caring individuals. Brendan is a great buddy to her, and a great teacher.  Now, he has even taken on the roll of personal trainer- getting her outside at least once a day to do some activities.

Once, he said to me…”So, Mom…you had Phoebe right? And, in our family we have all the cousins right? (I’m nodding through all this).  So, autism is pretty random then? So, how come Phoebe got it?” What is the answer for this?  I just gave him the textbook answer by telling him it was like every other disease, or disorder that was a random thing – 1 in 88 to be exact.  (What I really wanted to do was give him the Calvin and Hobbes version, but I didn’t) His response was…”Well, I guess someone wanted us to have her.”  WOW.  That was profound..and I am not a religious person.

And yes Brendan…Autism is random…and thank god you are who you are.  

To my insightful, loving, kind, and caring little man…thank you for putting up with Autism just like all the rest of us do. (you do it well)