Let’s face it…the other child in an Autism house gets the shaft.  All around in life, my Brendan gets the bad side of autism.  If I have to face it – he has to face it.  If she has a meltdown and I have to deal with her, so does he.  He can’t run away and hide.  He can’t escape the meltdowns.  He listens and takes it on.  He has to explain her, and try to understand her.  This isn’t easy for a 10-year-old.  He is only capable of understanding so much…and this is a lot.  We have been over this before, and I think everyone understands that despite being in a single-mom house, and having a sister with autism…he is a remarkable young boy.  (and that isn’t just mom bias)

Recently, we were given the opportunity to go to Universal Studios with family for a birthday.  I went over this in my mind so many times.  Could I just take Brendan?  Would I break Phoebe’s heart?  I planned the trip, and made arrangements for my mom, and her dad, to take her for the long weekend.  I told her about the trip.  Her response…”is there going to be fireworks there?” So, I replied “yes.” And, she said, “have a good time, mom.”  So, Brendan and I got to go, and be together for the first time ever.  (well longer than a day or two).

We flew down on a Thursday morning, and from the moment we left the house, he had a smile a mile long.  Did I have guilt?  I sure as heck did.  Is that normal?  God, I hope so.  I checked on Phoebe as best I could, and even got an email from her that said…”i am sad.”  Which made me feel even worse.  However, my mom had it covered, and her dad made her weekend special.  I had nothing to worry about.  (Unlike last year when I laid on the floor and cried when my mom and I went to Vegas- more on that later)  We spent 4 days together enjoying the parks, and enjoying time together as mother and son.  We laughed…a lot.  We went to see Harry Potter at Universal.  We bought a ton of junk that we won’t ever remember.  We drank butter beer.  We ate cotton candy (YUCK), and got candy at Honeydukes.  We did it all.  For the first time, I cherished EVERY moment of it, as hyper as he was.  I loved seeing him have no stress about his sister, or his life.

He got to be Brendan…10-year-old boy.  And, I got to be Beth…mom of Brendan, not mom of Phoebe, the autistic girl.  It was all about him.  As it should be sometimes.