This post has taken me a while to write.  I will not bore you with the fact that I am dealing with a huge loss in my family.  My dad passed away a few weeks ago- and our family is experiencing the worst thing possible- death.  Most of you know that.  As devastating as it was for me, it was even harder for the autism in our family.  Most people know about death.  They can process it as much as possible, and learn to deal with it.  This isn’t an easy concept for autism.  The tangible evidence is gone.  Where did it go?  The concept of illness, or heaven can not be easily explained, or shown on a piece of paper.  A social story doesn’t do it.  I did not let her come to the funeral, because the overwhelming amount of people and sadness would have done her in.  Let’s be honest, it did me in…and I’m not autistic.  (At least I don’t think I am)

My child with autism follows me around- watching me for emotions she doesn’t normally see, and then mimics these herself.  She cries when I cry.  She’s not sure why, but she can sense that things are not the same.  I finally took her to my parents house, and let her see for herself that he was no longer there. However, his things are there, his car is there, and she wasn’t convinced.  “MOM, his car is here. I checked, and his clothes are here.” How do you explain that?  I did my best.

This is one of those things that will just take time to sink in.  Maybe she’ll watch me and see that slowly each day I will get better, and act less depressed.  This will help her be less worried and make her world be “back to normal.” Whatever that is.