I’ve written this before, but I’d like to write it again. We have all been those people…those people, who look at a “different” child and wonder. I used to do it myself. You can’t help it. It’s simply human nature to wonder why a child would be different than the norm. What happened to them, and how did it happen? It’s not mean spirited…just shear curiosity about the differences. The stares get worse as these children get older, and act like they are 5 years old, but look like they are 16.
When I am out with my 13 year old daughter, who is autistic…I see your stares. I see that you think I’m a bad parent, when she screams that she can’t have her 4th snack in 2 hours. I know what you are thinking. “That woman can’t get control of her child.” You are exactly right. I have no idea what this child’s brain is like. I don’t know how her brain functions. I can almost ALWAYS predict behaviors, and pre-cursors to those behaviors, but I still have no idea why these things happen. And, when they do happen…why does it take 2 hours to calm her down? What happens in her brain? These are questions I will most likely never be able to answer. Socialization is the key to her success, so I try to get her out as much as possible. And, in doing that…meltdowns and behaviors are likely to occur when her world is uncontrolled. Does this mean I will just let her get away with anything? Heck no! She will not have a snack an hour after dinner, or lunch, or breakfast. I will make her walk on the treadmill, and earn her rewards. She will not hit her brother for no reason, smack the dog or throw things without consequence. Just like any other kid.
Long ago, I gave up on the notion of a “normal” daughter. However, I grasped the concept of a special daughter. A daughter that is not broken, or in need of fixing. I don’t want to place societal norms on her–just because that’s what people want. She doesn’t learn like other kids. She watches, listens, mimics, and memorizes. She can’t write very well, but can change the settings on an iphone in 3 seconds. I want someone, other than myself, to look at her and say…”wow…she has a special gift.” This child is not stupid, and she can hear your words. She wants what ever kid wants…to be accepted. So, go ahead and stare and make your judgements, but if you’d like to know what 1 in 88 children are dealing with – please ask. I have a little bit of knowledge in the type of autism at our house.
Our autism is not the same as everyone else’s, but I’d be happy to share. You might just see what an autistic brain is like. (or at least her autistic brain)
Temple Grandin wrote:
“What would happen if the autism gene was eliminated from the gene pool? You would have a bunch of people standing around in a cave, chatting and socializing and not getting anything done.”
I truly believe that.
Phoebe ASD World 