Fear of the unknowns keeps Phoebe from enjoying things we “normal” people would commonly love.  Travel is one of them.  Travel is the ultimate in unknowns.  You can only plan so much, but the rest is up to fate.  The last time I took Phoebe on a plane was to Disney World (with my whole family).  Talk about crazy!!  This trip could not have been worse for her.  She screamed on the plane, tried to get up, cried, etc.  Disney World?  What was I thinking?  There are fireworks, LOADS of people, noises, and scary rides.  What a great mom I am.  We paid the price when she started yelling obscenities at Epcot (and then I started screaming obscenities), hearing about the fireworks.  I immediately took her back to the condo, and decided that day that this was not something I could do with her.  Travel is not fun for her (or me) when we are together.  Now, this latest trip was not to Disney, but to a beach.  How nice and calm right?  Sounds like it to me.  To a child with autism like Phoebe, it’s birds (scary), noises, crabs and other weird creatures, salt water, people, and possibly rain.  (Her other worst nightmares)  I might have been able to get her in the pool a few times.  That’s about it.  

I felt awful leaving her, but knew in my heart it was the best decision.  She got a break from her brother and I. (and vice-versa)  Do I plan to take her places?  Yes.  We will go up north to our family cottage and do things she has done before.  (but only for a couple days)  And, slowly as years go by I will try and push the envelope a little, getting her to try and do things she hasn’t loved doing. (I am her mom after all)

My son and I deserve to have a life that isn’t autism once in a while.  We certainly had a great time over Spring Break, and will do it again when we get a chance.  

Sanibel 2014