I am often asked to describe Phoebe’s autism to people who don’t know her, or me that well.   I’ve described it here in blogs past.   Autism changes for us.  It’s constantly changing.  We have the ghosts of past autism, ghost of present autism, and the ghost of future autism.  There are new obsessions, new advances, and new challenges.  Summer always brings about all sorts of new things.  I can’t imagine what summer is like for someone who LOVES school, her friends, and the constant attention that school brings.

Ghosts of autism past are meltdowns, swearing fits, hitting, constant eating and general unhappiness.  (See previous blogs)  Currently, we have a much happier girl, who has better eating habits (not great-but better), and loves to please.  She is much better at playing with friends, and interacting with people (not perfect…but getting better!).  We watched her go on various rides over Fourth of July at a super loud, obnoxious carnival in traverse city…all with a big smile.  She will help with chores, and even help the babysitter bake cakes.  This leads us to the future autism.  There is a part of her that is  beginning to realize that her life is not the same as other 15-year-old girls.  She asks about driving, and boyfriends.  How does a mom answer that?  NEVER going to drive.  NEVER.  Those who know her, know why.  (Hello- attention span of a fly) Boyfriends.  Wow.  I don’t even know where to begin.  Is there a possibility of a boyfriend?  Of course there is.  Essentially, this brings up a set of questions that I am not ready to answer.  She’s on birth control, but it’s not permanent. There was no question when it came to putting her on the pill.  This girl needs to be protected from predators, and even regular boys.  I will cross other bridges when I have to.  Then there is that unknown for the rest of her life.  What will she be able to do?  Where will she live?  WHO will she live with?  This plan doesn’t end anytime soon.  I won’t get to send her off to college, or with a new husband.  Her new future begins with a new school this fall part-time.  I am reluctant to start her at a new school, and we will see how it works out.  Even her Spring IEP included “future” plans.  Ugh.  Just ugh.

Today, I will focus on the ghost of present autism…just like I always do.  I’ll take the autism today and deal with it, until a new ghost shows itself.  Then I’ll adjust.  Just like I always do.

This is autism…after all.