Phoebe was an awesome sleeper. At 4 weeks, she slept through the night. She slept like a champ. She never cried, never fussed. When her asthma-like symptoms started at around 8-9 months, everything changed. I counted breaths, I did breathing treatments, I counted breaths again, and I slept sitting up with her on my chest when the ear infections started. I would lay with her at nap time, so she would sleep. (I admit…I slept too) I didn’t sleep at night. She didn’t sleep. She was up at 6 a.m. every day. I was fortunate she was a happy baby despite the illness and lack of sleep.
As years went on, the sleeping did not get better. I laid with her every night starting at age 6 to get her to fall asleep. During the divorce, I literally had to lay on her floor (because of her twin bed) with a pillow and a blanket. She would look at me every 15 seconds, and then try and fall asleep. I would close my eyes, squinting them every-so-slightly so that she couldn’t tell. She WOULD NOT sleep if my eyes were open. She was afraid I’d leave. I pretended to sleep…for years. When puberty rolled around at an early age (9 years), she began to fight sleep. I would lay next to her (in her new full-size bed) and touch her hair, and pretend again to be asleep. Once asleep, I would look at her innocent little face. So sweet. How could such a sweet face have such issues inside? I would sneak out of her room like a spy movie in the making. If I made the floor creak…she would wake up and cry. She woke EVERY night at 11 p.m. like clock work. I wouldn’t even attempt to go to bed before then. I’d put her back to bed and start the process over again. Then during the night, she would wake at 1:30, 3, and 5 a.m. to find food, ask questions, wander around the house and drink water. I tried benadryl every night for a few years. (yes- I did) It would help for a while and then run it’s course. I slept when she was at school, at her dads, and any other time I could fit it in. I was a walking autism zombie.
During the earlier teenage years, I tried melatonin after I gave up on the benadryl. Melatonin worked well to make her fall asleep, but never kept her asleep. She had horrible days without the proper sleep. Horrible. Mine weren’t exactly perfect either. I could hardly function. Neither of us could.
Finally, last year I decided to make some changes. I changed her doctor and found someone who actually cared about her. Actually cared about her anxiety, and her sleep. With a change in her anxiety medication the sleeping started to come back. It was like a miracle. I had forgotten what it was like to sleep 6-8 hours. She had more energy, and so did I.
Tonight, Phoebe woke up and came out around 10 p.m. She asked me to come lay with her. I went in and laid down. After 10 seconds, she opened her eyes and said, “Mom, you can go…I am going to sleep now.”
Sweet words to hear. For sure. I’ll take the sleep while I can. You never know what tomorrow brings.
Phoebe ASD World 