We live in a small town.  Not a tiny town, but a smaller area.  I live in a great place to raise kids.  I really do.  I love that there isn’t traffic, and that I was able to buy a decent house for a decent price.  I LOVE living by my family.  It makes all the difference.  I had the great opportunity to further my education right by my house.  I didn’t have to commute.  It made it easy to change my career to better serve my kids.

Of course, there are trade-offs for these such luxuries. I need a decent Psychiatrist that understands autism, and specifically Phoebe’s autism.  We don’t have that.  I am not saying we don’t have good Psychiatrists.  We do.  We just don’t have the right kind for Phoebe, and not a lot to choose from.  Phoebe isn’t a child that you can sit down and talk to.  She has anxiety about people talking to her/about her and in front of her.  It’s weird, but it’s her.  I need a psych that understands that.  One that can see me, and maybe her for a short time.   I need a dentist that understands Phoebe’s special needs when there, and one that can sedate her for work that needs done.  I have a great one now, who can handle her at times for small amounts of work, and cleanings. (Seriously–he’s good, but I can’t even imagine how hard it is to do work on her when she’s awake) I need a sleep study done, but can’t find anyone in my small town who will allow for us to do it from home.  I can’t imagine trying to get her to do one at a facility.  It’s hard enough to get her to sleep.  Let’s not mention that in order to take her to these things, I need to take time off, and get her out of school.  (Ok – that’s a given with any office or appointment)  I can name about 5 other things I need, that only big name universities, or cities can give us.

I was told at the Yale Autism Clinic that this would be precisely the problem.  Good news is she has PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not otherwise specified), and the bad news is…PDD-NOS.  There are not a lot of studies and research for PDD-NOS.  Every child with autism is different, and Phoebe is no exception.  Autism isn’t a cold, or a flu.  It’s not going away, and each year things change and I have to adjust.  (And so does she)  So with that, I’ll be making appointments for summer, and driving her back and forth (to the big city) for various things.

Just when I think I can sit back and relax for a bit…

I am reminded that this is autism, and that I’ll be looking for better things for her for the rest of her life. (Even if that does take me out of my little town)