This post may not be polite.  It may not be pretty.  It certainly isn’t the light hearted side of autism that I can usually find in my heart.   When Phoebe was 9-years-old and started her period, I took her to a Pediatric Gynecologist.  While at this doctors office, a social worker came in to speak to me.  I thought this was odd.  I wasn’t an uneducated person.  I knew what getting her period meant.  I was prepared to help her take care of it.  What I wasn’t prepared for was what she said.  She wanted to know about the “other” people in her life.  (Teachers, aides, friends, etc.)  Any person who could possibly “take advantage” of a person with Phoebe’s intellect.  At that moment, I thought to myself that this situation would be dealt with later.  I had to worry about other things at that time.  Almost 9 years later, after birth control was too much of a pain, we have come to a crossroads.  What would you do?

Your 17-year-old daughter has hormones.  She likes boys.  She would like to be married someday, or have a boyfriend, or a kitten.  She’s not quiet sure.  When she tries to deal with her own period, it resembles something slightly like a murder scene.  (Told you it wouldn’t be pretty) She’s annoyed by pads because they are scratchy and uncomfortable, and can’t use tampons.  She has to be reminded to take care of it.  EVERY time.  This child is not mentally capable of taking care of herself in many ways.  Now what?  Do you take her and get her an IUD, or an implant?  Or, do you wait a few months until she’s 18, and have her tubes tied?   Sounds like a simple answer.  Right?

Now, go back to when you had this baby girl, and you thought of all the wonderful things she would do in her life.  You have hopes for her.  You want her to go to college, or find her true passion.  You would like to see her married and have children.  These ideas slowly change as you discover that she will be dealing with disabilities.  These disabilities, which take away most of these wishes.  The worst being that you have to decide whether or not she can have a baby.  The worst decision you ever have to make about your ONLY daughter.

I’m an educated woman.  I know the answer, and I know what is right.  I will do what I have to, and I’m convinced that Phoebe will live a happy, full life.  She has come a long way, and I am very proud of her.  I have made my peace with it. When I simply asked her if she would like to have a baby someday, she replied, “Uh- NO.”  Not sure I know what she truly thinks or knows, but as her mother and guardian…I will do what is right.

Maybe I’ll get her a kitten.😺