My son has started high school.  High school.  He’s growing up, and I’m not sure how to manage all this.  I have to talk to him about homework, girls, staying focused, and reminding him of just about everything.  We have had the drugs, sex, and driving crazy talks. (Not all at the same time)  I worry when he leaves that he will make good decisions.  However, I don’t worry about whether he will have friends, or if he’ll sit with someone at lunch.   I don’t worry that someone may prey upon his disability, because he doesn’t know better.  I do know he’ll attend Homecoming, football games, basketball games and Prom with friends because he’s a “normal” teenager.  He can take care of himself.  (for the most part:)  He has a better social life than I’d ever hope to have, and I worry about him being safe every single day.  It’s constant.

I am trying to cherish the moments as they are, because I know there will be an end to his high school career, and having him in my house.  He will move on and out, and go to college.   He may get married, and have children.  This concept has been a hard pill to swallow lately.  He has always been the “baby.”  It felt like he would never go to school.  He was sort-of put on the back burner since he was a baby.   This does NOT mean I loved him any less…just that he is the brother of a special-needs child.  It’s different.  He was resilient.  I carried him in his car seat to Phoebe’s speech appointments when he was 3 months old.  (three times a week)  He also got dragged in his baby seat to the Beaumont Hospital Developmentally Delayed Pre-school 2 days per week (there and back).  He got bottles in his seat EVERYWHERE we went. He never got a nice nap, because we always had to go get Phoebe, take Phoebe, or make sure Phoebe got this, or that.  He was toted to her schools in his pajamas eating cold toast, and peanut butter.  He never even complained.  His school career so far has been easy for me.  He went to pre-school, then a gifted and talented program for elementary school.  Middle school saw many changes, but he did very well in an honors program.  His school career has made me so happy he is self-sufficient.  However, am I really happy?  I want to be involved in everything he does, and that doesn’t go over well with a 15-year-old young man.   I don’t want to miss anything!  (I’ll ground him if he needs grounding, but slowly I have to let him go)   For now, I am enjoying all his games, and school events as a first time “normal” high school mom.  I’m trying to volunteer and help as much as I can.  I love watching him experience high school.

I will try and love every moment (even the not-so-great ones), because I know these moments won’t last forever with him.