There are days I don’t want to make any more decisions.  I don’t want to have to decide whether it’s worth getting a babysitter or not (for the last 19 years…19 YEARS!), or what time I should wake someone up, or what to make for dinner for the millionth time, or even decide what to wear.  It’s exhausting to make decisions for myself, and then have to make them for someone else.  This is a natural thing when your babies are little.  We become masters of decision-making for others.  What’s best for our toddlers to eat, wear or see on television.  Easy stuff.  When these special-needs kids become adults, how do we handle this?

I make decisions for 2 people on a constant basis. I wake up and decide what time is best to wake her up, and get her ready.  I decide what options to give her for clothing, and what she should or should NOT eat for breakfast.  (NO…pickles and some cheese is not a good breakfast).  I decide if letting her wear flip-flops when it’s 25 degrees out, is a fight I want to endure at 6:30 a.m.  I decide if I should get ready right away, or wait until she leaves, so I can monitor what she tries to take with her.  No, a bag of crayons and 2 notebooks is probably not a good idea.  No, your doll, an iPod, a deck of cards, a shoe and a marker is ALSO not a good idea to take.  (We are finally over the taking of candy for “Halloween” phase)  I decide if I want to stop at the store on the way home to get her prescriptions and take her in, or wait until I’m alone so I don’t have to buy $50 worth of extra stuff to keep her happy.  I decide if I want to argue about have a sandwich for dinner, or making her eat what I make.  After 8-9 hours at work, and trying to get organized…most of the time I cave and let her have a sandwich.  Even though she has had a sandwich for dinner the last 800 nights in a row.  I have guided, and modeled for her since she was born.  With her type of disability…I have found out, it’s a constant thing.  Some things get through, and some things do not.  These decisions that I make will never end.

These small decisions may seem small to you, however I’m already making huge decisions about what her future may hold.  I have to plan for what happens when I’m gone, and what will be best for her.   These are big decisions.  Whose burden will that be?  Who will make the decisions for her then?

All big questions that require a lot of thought…and decisions.

No one loves your children like you do.  NO ONE.