This post should come as no surprise. We are in unchartered waters. March 13th was our last day of school until April 6th. (Now April 13th). Our Governor called for the closing of all Michigan schools to help contain this horrible virus. Immediately, my anxiety started and then Phoebe’s anxiety heightened. The closing of schools, and local businesses was serious business. Phoebe started to hear things too, things she isn’t capable of understanding. Her life is all about routine. She gets up, goes to her school, goes to her daycare and then comes home. She gets slurpees when she has a good day. ALL OF THIS STOPPED. Talk about stress. She couldn’t understand, even when I explained it to her. I showed her numerous social stories, and she just didn’t understand. Death and sickness are difficult for everyone- especially Phoebe. It’s not concrete and doesn’t have one answer. We had 100 meltdowns in the first week. I had to figure out how to let her have anxiety…and had to figure out how to hide mine.

The more I heard, the more I worried. I am not one to hide things well. (big shocker) What if I get this virus? I am the sole provider for these 2 children. With social distancing and quarantine imminent….I began to have worse anxiety. The scenery played out in my mind 100 different ways. My conclusion was that Brendan would have to take care of Phoebe if something should happen to me. He would have to stay here if I’m hospitalized and take care of this house. My first step was to make notes. I got out one of my sketchbooks and started writing things down. Things he NEEDS to know…just in case. Brendan did not love this. As I wrote, the reality hit him and he asked questions. I told him to be smart, and LISTEN to what I tell him. He has been nothing but helpful and I can’t thank him enough for being a “grown-up.” Things that are important to teenagers ended as well. No social outings, no spring break, no school, no girlfriends, nothing. He complied…without much complaint. I was honest with him…I CAN’T GET SICK. WE can’t take that chance.

In the middle of the craziness, we were waiting on a new Golden Retriever puppy. (Yep. It was planned way before). When the Governor said we were going to to house quarantine…we had to go get the puppy 2 weeks early. Cue the additional anxiety a brand new puppy brings to a house. Let’s just say we added chaos on top of chaos. Phoebe is not a neat person. Her brain doesn’t work that way. She moves from one thing to the next. She needs a list to complete if we clean. Everything she owns is on the floor. We had to get a gate for her bedroom door, so that the new puppy wouldn’t go in her room. Phoebe was truly not excited for ANY of these changes. She played the role and said she was super excited, but it was the worst timing ever and made her personality “over-the-top.” She is needing attention 24/7. Worse than I’ve ever seen it. We get up at 6 am, let the dog out, play and then he goes back in his crate around 7:30 am. She sleeps and then when the puppy gets up, she gets up. We walk him, watch him…and she is obviously super anxious. “Does he need to pee again? Will he poop in the house? Isn’t he tired? Do we need to watch him every minute? WILL HE STOP BITING?” The list goes on.

The worst part is, I can’t give her a schedule for this virus/quarantine. I can’t give her a time when this will stop. This new schedule and routine has no end in sight. Each day brings a list…and a schedule for THAT day. I add in one new “fun” thing for us…if she will do it. (Anxiety is a horrible thing) The only part I can tell her is that the puppy will grow, and get easier each week. That I do know.

For now, we have a new routine, and a new life. We take it day-by-day.