There’s so much going through my brain lately, that I can’t even seem to put my finger on what I want to say. One is that I’m worried as a mother of an adult female with special needs. I have to figure out her medical issues all the time, but now I really need to figure out how to prevent a pregnancy. Right now, she is in my care nearly 100% of the time. If not, she’s with a group I trust at her school. However, if I want her to live somewhere else, I need to “take care” of this. Especially now with what is going on in the world. You might disagree with me and say, “Oh that won’t happen, she would be exempt from those things.” I beg to differ. I’d like that option if it were to happen before we get something done. Can you imagine? Then, I would be 100% responsible for that child as well.

Secondly, why do we not have any suitable housing for these special needs adults. WHY? Everything I see, look at or even consider is a big NO. I’m sorry I have standards, but I do. I need a life, but I’m not willing to put her somewhere that has violations, or other people who could hurt her. She is easily susceptible to anything. Why do we have lovely nursing homes, and independent living facilities for our elderly (mostly), but not for the special needs adults? I am up at night worrying and trying to come up with solutions. I can’t even go have a drink out with friends without getting a babysitter. Who gets a babysitter after 23 years? Oh, yes that’s me. It’s exhausting and just ridiculous. I’m in the mid-life thing. I want to sit and watch football, and drink a beer. I want to work around the house, and hang out at home. I want to go to dinner, movies, trips on a whim and see friends. Phoebe wants her own life too. She wants to be entertained 24/7. She’s in her 20’s and has some 20-something thoughts. She wants to go to dinner with friends (NOT ME) and shop. She wants to go to EVERY high school football game, Spirit hockey game, soccer game, etc. I’m kind of done doing that other than occasionally.

Finally, she destroys everything like a toddler. Phoebe trashes every room in the house she’s in. Her brain works this way. She will throw things on the floor when she’s done, take every marker cap off, and draw on her bed frame. She changes her clothes at least 8 times a day, and lately picks at scabs consistently until they are a huge scar. I’m guessing you think this is not a big deal. Well, try doing this for 23 years, 24/7. It becomes a big deal the older I get. I have tried positive incentive plans, rewards, etc. I’m tired of trying some days. Now, it’s come down to bribery to get her to clean one area at a time.

Don’t feel sorry for me. I just need to vent my frustrations with this some days. As my dads friend once said, “Life is a shit sandwich, it just depends on how big of a bite you take.”