Today, I took my 25-year-old adult daughter to the OB-GYNS office. I had been dreading this moment for the last 15 years. While nothing major happened, it’s just another thing in a long line of “firsts.” Think how you’d feel taking your daughter with the mental capacity of an 8-year-old to an OB-GYN. Not something that sounds fun. However, we saw a lovely nurse practitioner and started a path of what to do for birth control that will best meet the needs of Phoebe. The last year has been all about getting a life situated for her, so that someone else can handle what she needs. A life that would go on without me being by her side all the time. This is the beginning.

Trust me when I say, I have avoided doing any of these because of the stress it causes Phoebe and I. We have had no less than 15 appointments in the last 6 months. I have advocated for weight loss medication, PCOS testing, bloodwork, med changes, and working on a nutritionist as we speak. Anything out of her typical day and she is undone. Over the years, I have learned how to get her ready, but there is always that sense of “anything can and will happen” while we are there. Today, she did fairly well and I was proud of how far she has come at these unknowns. The only time I really laughed was when Phoebe asked the nurse when her brother needed to come to the OB, and she said, “Never, because boys don’t have babies.” Phoebe said, “Yeah, that’s not fair.”

I’m not going to lie…being 53, and trying to manage all this is not easy. Menopause fog is a real thing, and I have never made so many lists in my whole life. Thank goodness I have the summer off, because I can’t do much else when I’m teaching art. The struggle is real. My brain and mouth are on 2 separate planets, and can’t seem to get their shit together.

This next year there I’m hoping there will be many more “firsts” for both Phoebe and I. She deserves a life of her own, and getting to do the things she loves. I’m also looking forward to discovering what my life should look like, and maybe having a few moments of down time. Whatever that is.

For now, I have to go make a list of what to do next.