This week has been interesting in the news world. I have been trying to put in to words how comments by RFK, Jr. made me feel. Autism is something that affects 1 in 31 children in the United States. Calling autism a preventable disease is an interesting thought. I would love more research, and help for families with children on the spectrum. If we are going to prevent autism, don’t we need to know how it is caused in the first place? I don’t discount that environmental things can add to it, but I don’t think it’s a simple answer. I’m going to leave that up to the scientist/epidemiologists, pediatricians, geneticists, etc.

How his comments made me feel is a different story. Phoebe did not destroy my family. Has it been hard to raise her? Yes. Has every doctor’s appointment, IEP, meltdown, anxiety ridden behavior, and various other autism-ish things been hard on me? Sure has. My family has been through it with me, and none of it is easy. As she winds down on the last year of schooling, I can’t help but think how far she’s come. This new chapter will be hard too, but we have put in to place some strategies that seem to help. This is where Phoebe has taught us some things about people who are developmentally disabled, on the Autism Spectrum, or have any disability for that matter.

Phoebe has taught me how to be empathetic to other children and adults who don’t fit the societal norms. (Ok- I did already do that, but it got better with having her). She taught me that developmental milestones didn’t mean much, because she did them on her own timeline. (She didn’t end up scooting on her butt forever). Phoebe has also taught me that just because one way of learning works for most people, doesn’t mean it works for everyone. Her schooling path has been a creative one for sure. I have learned how to be a better teacher to students on the spectrum because of her. Phoebe taught us what it meant to have sensory issues when she didn’t like to be touched, or have her hair or teeth brushed. We also learned that large crowds can send someone with sensory issues in to a meltdown when their system has had enough. She taught us that a schedule helped in so many ways to alleviate anxiety, which helped me too. She also taught me that being on medication for preventable things like anxiety, mood, and weight is ok. Phoebe’s brother also learned so much from having a sibling with autism and other impairments. He has always been very patient and kind with her, and that has carried over to his adult life in every way. What she has taught us is endless.

Phoebe may not pay taxes, hold a steady job, or be fully able to use the bathroom correctly, but her life has had great meaning to me, and those around her. She will continue to change how we think, and do things the “Phoebe” way.

She did not destroy our family. She taught us that being different doesn’t mean less. It means different.