Since the big birthday a week or so ago I have heard continually…”I can do that because I am 14 right?”  Right.  I have been giving Phoebe more tasks to complete and figure out on her own.  She still has to ask about 500 times before it is done, but she eventually gets to it.

“Mom, can you pick out my clothes?”
“No, Phoebe…you can do that.”
“Cause I’m 14 right?”  

Thats right.  So what do “normal” 14 year olds accomplish other than texting, sports, shopping, talking, etc.?  I have expectations, and so does Brendan (even at 10).  Why should this be any different for Phoebe?  She should be able to accomplish tasks that help her become more independent.  I came up with a list.  This list should get her starting to think about how she can help herself in life.  I can’t always be there.  So the new agenda starts now.

I want Phoebe to pick out her own clothes, successfully.  Do I care if they match?  Not really, but I can guide her.  (Ok- I will try not to, but when she comes out with a skirt, sweatshirt, and a plaid hat and high heels–we have to reconvene.)

“Cause I’m 14 right?”

I want Phoebe to get her own breakfast and snacks, without stealing 1/2 pound of salami and 6 slices of cheese on the side.  (Or a slice of bread and a 1/2 pound bag of pretzels.)

“Cause I’m 14 right?”

I want Phoebe to make her bed, shut the drawers in her dresser, and pick up the 45 blankets she uses at night.

“Cause I’m 14 right?”

I want Phoebe to pick a coat that is appropriate for the season.  (we are working on long sleeves for winter, and short sleeves for summer- which is opposite in her mind)

“Cause I’m 14 right?”

I want Phoebe to notice that her nose is running and get a kleenex.  Not wipe it on her sleeve, or stick her finger in it.  (This is asking a lot)

“Cause I’m 14 right?”

I want Phoebe to help with basic chores, and do them with some accuracy and not for the “treat” at the end.

“Cause I’m 14 right?”

I want Phoebe to be confident that she can do these things, because SHE is 14.   Phoebe is 14 years old, and it’s time to start getting the life skills she needs to succeed – autism or not, and to become a young lady.  There are some things I can’t work on, and some things I can.  I will focus on making this girl a functional member of society.  That is my goal.

“Cause I’m 42…right?” (Wow.)