As I come upon Phoebe’s 20th birthday, I can’t help think about our lives since that day in March of 1999. Everything about Phoebe was a-typical when she finally came in to the world.  A C-section because she didn’t want to come out (shocker), lung issues, breathing issues, etc. etc.  That was just the start.  I was so relieved when she got to about 3-years-old and her asthma was basically gone, and was told she had grown out of it.  It had been 3 solid years of doctors appointments, and numerous surgeries.  I thought, “Great…now she will be normal.”  How wrong I was.  Nothing has been “normal” since she was born.  It’s been 20 years of meetings, appointments, evaluations, surgeries, and comparisons to “typical” developing children.

In the early years, seeing babies doing all the things that typically developing children do was heart-wrenching.  Why wasn’t my baby doing these things?   Why isn’t my toddler talking like the other toddlers?  Why is her speech different?  Why isn’t my toddler walking like others?  The list is endless.  It broke my heart to realize that my child would not do the same things the others did.  It broke my heart to realize that my child was different.

In the last few years, I do not feel the same way.  I do not compare. Raising Phoebe has been a challenge, but it’s also been eye-opening.  Most people conform to a set social standard…because we have social “rules.”  Phoebe’s type of autism does not let her do this.  (as do many forms).  She does not worry about things she says or does.  She does not hold back when she has a feeling.  She can’t.  People will stare, and judge because she doesn’t look different…but she acts different.  I used to be so embarrassed, and sad.  Over the years, I have learned to let it go.  I can’t change it, and she has come a long, long way.  I have learned what a behavior for attention is, and what true autism is (only in Phoebe).  I know when she can or can’t do things.  I have also learned that everyone has different abilities.  We ALL have strengths and weaknesses.  Phoebe is no different.

It’s March of 2019.  20-years of being a mother.  20-years of worrying, and persevering.  20-years of challenges and growth.  While she’s not in college, working or dating…she is going to her post-secondary school program, drinking slurpees, playing with her 2000 markers, carrying around her naked American girl doll, and bothering her brother.   Some things may never change, and that’s ok.

Happy 20th Birthday to the little girl who made me a Mom. 🙂  Love you, Phoebe Louise.