This house has had a ton of changes.  We have a brother, who comes and goes as he wants, has a girlfriend, and takes care of himself (mostly) and doesn’t answer to his sister.  We have Mom with a new job.  Changes don’t always go over well, and we have had to adjust to these as a family.  Brendan and I adjust well, and Phoebe does her usual meltdown, have a bad day, and cause chaos for everyone/ everything.  Phoebe turned 20 in March, and I had to change too.  Every year since she was 6, she does great in the beginning of the school year, and has a horrible end to the year. There is no rhyme or reason, only that it happens every year.  I hold my breath and think EVERY YEAR, “THIS YEAR IS GOING TO BE DIFFERENT!!”  Um…no.  It doesn’t happen.  Again this year, we have some challenging behaviors going on at her post-secondary program.  And again, we have a phenomenal teacher/school/principal who understand Phoebe, and truly want what is best for her.  Her teacher opened my eyes yet again, when she texted me this week and said, “I just want Phoebe to have a good time at school and do what she likes.”  Wait, what?  This has become and eye-opening moment in so many ways.

Phoebe is a 20-year-old adult (sort-of).  Most 20-year-olds either go to college or work, or live on their own.  (I know…MOST)  For the better part of 20 years, I have been going crazy over her school experiences.  I am over-involved and doing everything I can to get her to learn new things, and do what is expected of her.  At her program, the classes are geared toward job skills and personal skills, etc.  She does well with most of her classes, and only a few have brought out certain behaviors.  I would love to tell you why.  Phoebe can’t even tell me why she throws herself on the floor, calls people names, screams, refuses to work, or sleeps during class.  You can ask her 10 times and get 10 different answers.  She truly doesn’t know.  She only knows she doesn’t like it.  These are her coping skills.

Her teacher, principal and staff are AMAZING people.  Only the strong can do this job. They have seen it all, and deal with it with kindness and compassion.  They care about Phoebe and want her to enjoy these years at the program.  When her teacher sent me the text that Phoebe should love her experience, and she is showing us in so many ways that she is unhappy in one class, it was truly a changing moment.  Happy?  What is that??  I have been so focused on everything else I forgot that she is an adult woman who deserves to be happy.  Her teacher is looking at other classes and said, we will keep trying until we find one SHE likes.  (Not us)  Wow…just wow.  We aren’t making her chose something she doesn’t love?  That’s a shift in dynamics.  She gets to choose.  She chooses her path.

Just like any other adult.