I am coming upon 50-years-old. I can hardly believe that. I was just finishing college, having babies, and starting my life. Now, I’m getting to the mid-life part…and not sure where to go from here.

When this pandemic started, I started a notebook/sketchbook of important information for my son. This included everything he needs to continue running this household, if I die. If I die? If I die!! I couldn’t believe I had to write this out. The reality is, it needs to be done. He needs to know all of this. (Even though he wanted no part of it) The most enlightening part was, what will become of Phoebe? Isn’t that the true question. If I die, where will she go, and what will happen to her. I don’t want that burden to fall upon her brother’s shoulders. It’s not his responsibility. He has dealt with a lot, and he deserves a life.

This started my thought process of what I want in the near future. For all of us. At some point, Phoebe needs to live somewhere that can support her needs 100% of the time. She needs friendship, work, fun, full-time care and compassion. While I can do those things for her, I also need some time for myself. My nearly 50-year-old body can’t keep up with all of it, mentally and physically. I can’t entertain and teach her every day like I have for the last 21-years. I just can’t. I also deserve all the same things she does. This starts the slow, and tedious process of how I can figure all this out. It will take time to convince her that she will like living somewhere with friends like her, and that she will like having her own space. (Right now, she wants me (or her caregiver) all the time). I can see glimpses of a 21-year-old in her. She wants independence, and love. She deserves that. Everyone does.

I have been involved in a new community for special-needs individuals being designed for our area. Phoebe attends A Place for Grace Daycare in Saginaw. It is for Special needs children and young adults (and typical children). The owner, Jenny, has the same wishes for her own daughter’s living situation someday. She has started A Place for Grace Community. A Place for Grace Community has a mission and vision that adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities enjoy total life experiences in their forever homes. The board is looking for property and figuring out how to build this community in our area in the very near future. There will be houses, staffing, job sites, daycare, etc. I am so excited to be a part of this process. I can’t imagine any other type of home for Phoebe. It gives me hope.

While we work on this amazing idea, and possibility…I will work on Phoebe. I will get her started on the idea of being an independent, happy woman. She NEEDS that. I need that.

Nothing like a Pandemic to make me look at my life more closely.