Life with someone who has a variety of disabilities is difficult. I think we all know that. However, when someone doesn’t technically look different, you expect more most of the time. I even do. I still can’t understand why she can’t tell me when she has to go to the bathroom. I still get mad when she literally puts EVERYTHING in her mouth. I ask her to do the same things everyday, and yet she can’t remember many of them, and I get annoyed. I expect her to know better. WHY? Why do I have these expectations? I know better. I have spent the better part of my adult life taking care of her. I have helped her learn all the things she knows, yet I still get annoyed when she wears long sleeves and pants in the summer, and shorts in the winter. I still get mad when she asks me when I am going to bed. (Because, she HAS to know before she goes to bed). Some days I wonder if its my 50-year-old brain. My tolerance has become less, and I can’t remedy how to fix it. Maybe I’m just a hormonal, cranky, old woman.

I think it was much easier when she and I were young, because parenting is typical then. We expect to be doing that. That’s when all the girls her age were still little girls. Normal parenting stuff. Now, these girls are women. Some have babies, are married, have great jobs, are going to college, or just basically growing up. My little girl has not. It’s been a circle of the same routine, and script for 23 years. She has a large body, and looks like she could be an adult, but she really isn’t. Her mind is young, and she needs all the help a young girl needs. I think my young parenting days have had it. I’m exhausted from the same routine day in and out. It’s mentally, physically and emotionally draining.

Thankfully, I have had a few breaks this summer that I am so thankful for. It helps. I slept a lot, and enjoyed the state of michigan with friends and family.

Maybe that will help keep my crankiness to minimum for a while. Welcome to your 50’s!